Sep 2 2023

“TOTAL DISASTER!” Shelter In Place Warning Issued as Burning Man Locked Down

Nobody in, nobody out. Not by car, not by plane. No portapotties serviced. No generators topped up. No vehicles on the Playa. Remain in your tents as the surface they’re attached to turns to mud.

Are we having fun yet?

If you’re reading this on your way to Burning Man, you should turn around and head home. According to the Reno Gazette Journal, quoting the Bureau of Land Management, the event is now closed for the rest of their allocated time:

“Officials from BLM and the Pershing County Sheriff’s Office have closed ingress to the Burning Man event effective immediately and for the remainder of the event. Participants inbound for the event should turn around and head home.

“Rain over the last 24 hours has created a situation that required a full stop of vehicle movement on the playa. More rain is expected over the next few days and conditions are not expected to improve enough to allow vehicles to enter the playa.” [Source: RGJ]

Those $25,000/night luxury hotel camps are looking real good now, aren’t they…except that they can’t get toilets pumped or generators and provisions refilled either. Their campers can’t joyride in the art car. What to do?

Reddit asks “Is this the end of Burning Man on the Playa?”

This is the type of stuff that truly separates the Burners from the Sparkle Ponies. You need to feel it in your soul! Suffer in misery and don’t even get to see the Man burned. Come back to civilization with nothing but tales of woe. That’s what it’s all about: Radical Sherpa Reliance. You’re not a true Burner until you’ve done it really hard. Or at least, tipped your concierge extra to get one of the sherpas to.

Is this karma, or simply dark irony, that after the cops rammed climate change protestors, the climate exacted revenge on Burning Man?

Shortly before the flooding began, there was an occult ritual in the Black Rock desert, a box burning to reveal a Phoenix, in celebration of BlackRock’s war in Ukraine.

Image: Andrii Ivanchenko, CNN

Reports from Tik Tok say that the government has declared Burning Man a “national disaster”, however there doesn’t seem to be any serious confirmation for this rumor…yet. Once 73,000 Burners head all manage to escape at once with garbage bags full of poop ready to be thrown out of the car at the nearest town, look out.

@thetalkofshame

Burning Man has reportedly been declared a national disaster due to the rain and National Guard is on the way according to former RHOC friend of Dr Deb who is there!

♬ original sound – Kiki Monique
@roshothewise

#bm2023 #burningman breakfast in the mud

♬ original sound – Rosho

Featured image: SFGate

Aug 28 2023

#WokeWars – Cops Clash With “Anti-Capitalist” Climate Protestors in Black Rock Desert

For many years there has been a tension on the Playa between Burners and Cops. This year, though, it seems the two sides are aligned against a new invasive species: anti-capitalist activists. So woke that they travel hundreds of miles to the desert to hold up thousands of cars, idling in the heat and emitting CO2 for absolutely no reason. Did anyone learn about pollution from this stunt?

Fortunately these Pyramid Lake Reservation Rangers know what time it is. It’s one-time on yo ass muthafucka!

You might have seen the clip, but have you seen the full video? An epic moment in Burning Man history.

Maltese man with accent shouting “this is a democracy!”. He was then arrested.

“We need Burners to rise up!”, says whiter-than-thou hippy chick.

Burner Karen “you’re making an unsafe environment for other humans, which I know is the opposite of what you want. I support this planet, fuck you!”

A link between Burning Man and the Maui fires is claimed, but not explained.

As well as the 9 million (at posting) views on Raw Story’s tweet, this was picked up by LA Times, Daily Mail, NY Post, Fox News, The Hindustan Times, Russia Today and many others.

If Burning Man was a country it would be the 4th biggest polluter in the world. Will Burners finally address the environmental nightmare behind the rave? Or nah? Which branch of Woke overrides which? The Progressive Paradox…

Aug 21 2023

Mud Man 2023

Burning Man is closed. Don’t Go.

No really.

“Do not drive to Gerlach, you will be turned around…the [front] gate will remain closed at least until noon PT on Tuesday”.

The storm is upon us, and it’s a killer named Hillary.

Her first victim? Center Camp, looks like a drowning in shallow water…

Images: SFGate, Patrick Reeves via Facebook

In 2014 when we reported on Burning Man’s gate being closed due to inclement weather it made international headline news, rocketing our post and this humble blog to #1 on WordPress. This year, after consecutive years of pandemic closure (where Burning Man happened anyway, just without the Org) followed by a lacklustre influencer-led return to the Playa that saw massive swathes of the city depart before The Man burned…does anyone still care?

Maybe the people spending $10,000 per night on their lavish suites with flushing toilets and showers care. Will this lead to chaos on the way in as thousands of people per hour get backed up? Probably not at this stage, as it’s only people going to set up the camps, stages and art installations. But it sure could lead to problems down the road.

Presumably this mud and lake are not great for the private airline and private jets to the private airport.

Hillary brought half a year’s worth of rain in 6 hours to Palm Springs…fortunately, not during Coachella.

Is this climate change? The result of too few people driving Teslas? Or are the Millenials and Generation Z just too coddled and pussified for Radical Self Reliance to still be a thing?

What’s a bit of mud between friends, anyway?

mud orgy

Mud Orgy at Burning Man, 1993

Featured image credit: water on the Playa creating a lake in 2017, David Calvert/Daily Mail